A Year Ago

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As I was getting dressed tonight I thought back to who I was exactly a year ago tonight. Normally I wouldn’t be doing this as I got dressed up for something, but looking back a year, tonight has a lot of significance. It was a year ago last night that I broke up with my ex… It was a year ago tonight that I got ready for the exact same Christmas party I’m getting ready for tonight, I remember how much I was dreading the whole thing and I realize how much I’ve changed in the last year.

Everyone I work with jokes that my ‘coming out party’ was at the Christmas party last year. I had half of a long island ice tea and wouldn’t shut up the rest of the night. At the time I was a fairly quiet employee. I had a very large past that I was hiding with an ex. It was that night that I let loose. I hadn’t eaten in a week because of the problems with the ex, so having any drink probably was a bad idea… but it opened me up to a year of change. And I’m so thankful for that.

As I get dressed tonight I think about what I wore last year. I wore black pants and a turtle neck sweater. I was far from the dressiest once there… I just wanted to go and leave. This year, I’m in a dress, high heels, and a shawl I bought in Italy this summer. My hair is done up all nicely and I’m wearing makeup… a huge change to my last year.

Mentally, I’m okay… for the last 6 months I’ve worried about this night… because I know that ‘friends-only-boy’ will be there with whatever girl he’s with at the time… Ironically enough it happens to be our marketing director… and oddly enough… I don’t care anymore. Knowing all of the drama that is following him around right now I realize I have enough in my own life to even think about taking on his. Even though it goes against everything shes been saying since started working there… its pretty funny to watch ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m going with my roommates boyfriend who happens to work with me… shes out of town so he and i decided it would be fun to go… he’s ‘babysitting’ me… ๐Ÿ™‚ aka he’s driving ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s going to be fun… I also know that my relationship with everyone there is so much different than it was. We’ve gone through late nights of work, staff changes, loosing team members, gaining new ones, and dealing with insane customers. With all that we’ve been through this year… I now understand why our party is open bar ๐Ÿ™‚

This weekend last year I was at my absolute lowest point of probably my life… I felt like I was alone even though I was surrounded by friends. Since that weekend the ex and I broke up two more times and have been apart since April…. I’ve dated friends only boy, a fireman, and tried a date with another that just wasn’t going to work. I’ve fallen for multiple guys and I’ve had my heart broken but looking back on it… oddly, I’m okay.

Coming off the last 4 months has been so rough… I went through loosing my grandpa who happened to be my best friend. I also discovered a love in my family that I didnt even realize that was there, my uncle said somethings to me at the funeral that surprised me and have re-opened a door to a relationship that was failing.

Who I am tonight is shaped a lot by the events I’ve been through this year, and a lot of those were work related and others were personal (some mixing the two) but I have no regrets and I can honestly say I’m much better off this year than I was last… Hell this year I’m actually dressed like a girl… screw being one of the guys tonight ๐Ÿ™‚

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