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Well… life has been nuts…

Last Wednesday questions were raised about “Friends Only” boy and how good of friends we were and where things were at. He had gone out with me for my birthday, things happened again after that… but he was kinda seeing this other girl, who originally he was grossed out by but suddenly began to like… So I wasn’t really sure which way it was going. Anyways…

Last Wednesday night we were talking before I left work after a rough day (which involved me being called a bitch and a whore) and somehow it came up that this girl he was seeing lets call her “bartender” was over weight… I made a joke to him about being glad I fit into his weight requirements. That changed up pretty quickly when he told me I “barely qualify” and proceeded to tell me that 120 is his ideal weight (which I don’t think I’ve been since Junior high) so somehow it wound up in me being overweight and needing to loose weight… which just sent me downhill because I’ve been working to get rid of the extra weight, but just have not had any luck. Anyways, I left work kinda bummed out about the whole “friends only boy” fat thing as well as the fireman not ever having time to hang out.

I talked to my Grandpa that night and it was the second time he did not call me by my childhood nickname… and it was one of the rough days that just sent me down hill. I wound up crying most of the night and just ranting to ‘friend from work’.

This weekend “best friend” was in town so we had a great time just hanging out and doing fun things. We wound up at a bar where “friends only” boy was hanging out and we wound up hanging with him and his friends. Suddenly things seemed to be okay. Sunday night he called and asked to go for a run, so we went for a run then a walk after that because I kicked his butt running… and suddenly I realized I was afraid i was starting to fall for him again… so I’m trying to be careful… Monday we worked out together…

That’s when things started getting bad because I re-injured my neck working out. I sent him an I’m that night and told him that I really had hurt my neck… he offered to take me to the ER but I said no… and that I just wanted to wait and see what happened.

I’m just confused…

On that walk we took the other night… he told me about a conversation he had had with “bartender”. She is friends with “fireman” and apparently he told her he was never really interested in the first place… and he was scared away by the way roomie acted when he came over and just wasn’t interested… I’m really bummed out because we talked a lot afterwards and there were sooo many mixed signals…

I really just don’t understand boys… so I’m trying my best NOT to call him… but I want to sooo badly 🙁 At the same time I have no idea where my feelings are for “friends only boy”. I’m not sure if I can believe him about the fireman stuff… I don’t know what his feelings are… they seem so mixed right now. Ug…

Boys suck 🙂 “friend from work” gave me this poem….

The perfect man is gentle—
Never cruel or mean.
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side;
He will be a good father
As well as a good husband to his bride.
The perfect man loves cooking,
Cleaning, and vacuuming too
He’ll do anything in his power
To convey his feelings of love on you.
The perfect man is sweet,
Writing poetry from your name.
He’s a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain.
He never has made you cry
Or hurt you in anyway.
Oh, fuck this stupid poem!
The perfect man is gay!

With all of this going on… Grandpa has been up and down… Tonight I got on the phone and we had this conversation:

Me: Hi grandpa how are you?
Grandpa: Come Home!
Me: I’ll be home on Friday
Grandpa: good
Me: How are you?
Grandpa: Good
Me: Good that’s what I like to hear
Grandpa: You’d hear it more if you came home…

so yea… he was having a good day 🙂 Apparently when my mom got up to get the phone he asked for her to call me… so that makes me feel good… two days ago he thought it was my birthday (October 5)… he told my parents that he was going to die on October 6…     so it was a scare.

Anyways my battery is about to die. I’m off… have a good night

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